Why oh Why HG??

So here it is a little over a year later since my blog on sick of being tired and tired of being sick.  I forgot all about the blog that I did so long ago.....Uuugghhh where to start with this one?  So since the last blog in 2011, I have gotten pregnant 1 more time since then.  It took a lot of thinking and talking with the husband and trying to get him on board with the idea of trying again.  Let me tell you, since I have been diagnosed with HG and have already been thru so many problems, its very hard for my husband to agree on trying anymore.  Not because he doesnt want any more children but because he knows what I have to go through, and what my children go through when I get pregnant.  If only I could work and have a normal pregnancy just once.  So back to the last pregnancy, it started out pretty good (like usual) I felt pretty good up until about 6 weeks along, I had advised the doctor that I didnt want to take any medicine until I couldnt handle it anymore.  Maybe this was my mistake, I just felt like with all the other pregnancies the meds was not working so why keep taking them?  I wake up craving Chick-fil-a on morning, so after my daughters soccer game, we go straight there.  I eat only a chicken sandwich and french fries, we are sitting in the restaurant and my husbands friend comes over and starts talking, all of a sudden....here comes the vomiting....uuggghhh not again. I manage to make it to the restroot and come back looking very green ( really not a good look) and excuse myself and drive home, where yet again the vomiting continues.  I dont know about anyone else but why does it seem with HG once you start vomiting its like it doesnt stop, no matter what you do.  I call the doctor the next Monday morning but by then I had already vomited so much my back hurt, my throat hurt, and I could barely sit up by myself, ( I started on Saturday with the vomiting) once again the depression sinks in and my thoughts overwhelm me.  Why did I do this to myself again? I am telling my kids I just have the flu, but I know in my heart they know whats wrong with me, they have been through this before and I consider them pros at knowing when mommys pregnant. ( thats not a good thing) I have to call my job again, which Thank God I am so blessed to have a company that is willing to work with me through all my pregnancy issues. I start Zofran again, and the sea bands ( why is the first thing doctors want to try Zofran?) I already know its not going to work, so at about 8 weeks, I cant take it anymore--I give up---please dont judge me---its very hard!!!  I go to an abortion clinic where they do an ultrasound and I find out that I would have ended up miscarrying anyway, so I had a D&C.  Why in the world do I have to be put through all the sickness only yet again to have miscarried?  Only this time, I had the D&C in May and I still to this day 2/21/2013 have not had a cycle.  Is this HG causing my body to go crazy?  I have to go to the doctor and get it checked out, but call me crazy in my mind, without my period I kinda feel "safe" I think that without a period I dont need birth control and I cant get pregnant.  Its so hard because on one side I want to get pregnant again NOW, and then on the other hand I am terrified of HG and what it does to me.  Is this a bad thing?  Why do I let HG control my life?

HG has made it so hard for me to bring a child into the world, a baby that I can have with my husband.  Everyday you think and think about trying again, and the thought of vomiting continuously and not being able to take care of the children and work full time, is very depressing and hard.  I want so bad to have another child but HG takes away all your hopes and dreams when it comes to completing your family.  For anyone in my shoes, I have the hardest time seeing pregnant women walking around the stores and in my family who have no issues at all, and you only wish that that could be you.  I would give so much for them to find a cure for HG, because HG is not just a sickness, it takes over your life, from the start of pregnancy thru the rest of your life.  I think everyday about trying to concieve again and I am so scared that if I bring it up to my husband he will say no because I cant prove to him that this time will be better.  I honestly cant afford to quit my job and stay home especially if we want to keep up the lifestyle that we have. So yet again HG has struck my family, my heart, my mind, and my soul. 

We ended the year 2012 with a marriage and  this year 2013, I am determined to do as much research and get as much help as I can with HG.  I am 32, and I want so bad to try again.  So wish me luck, and I will be blogging about my research and my life as HG continues to be my only battle in 2013.